Start by waking up on time. Yes, on time. Bright-eyed. Slightly hopeful. The sun is gentle. The sheets are warm.
There’s no reason to panic – yet. And that’s exactly when you should begin.
Step 1: Check your phone.
Ignore the birdsong. Scroll instead.
Let the algorithm remind you of everything you didn’t do yesterday, last week, last lifetime.
A girl in Bali has six streams of passive income.
Your ex is thriving.
A stranger just bought a house with a mango tree and a skylight.
You, meanwhile, are lying under a creaking ceiling fan, with commitment issues and unpaid electricity bills.
Step 2: Open your inbox.
Ah yes. Your daily buffet of obligations.
That one unread email from someone who uses “gentle reminder” like a threat. An invite to a Zoom meeting that could’ve been a coma. A newsletter from a productivity guru who wakes up at 4 am, drinks chlorophyll, and hasn’t felt despair since 1995.
Step 3: Remember everything. All at once.
The bills. The guilt. The thing you said in 2016.
The message you didn’t reply to. The call you’re avoiding.
The gym. The therapist. The laundry.
The question: What exactly am I doing with my life?
Step 4: Criticise yourself quietly.
For not journaling.
For not being a “morning person.”
For not doing yoga on the balcony while sipping green tea.
For not being gentle with yourself – aggressively.
Step 5: Make a to-do list. Then loathe it.
Write down 14 tasks. Finish none.
Stare at the list like it insulted your ancestors.
Resent your own handwriting.
Step 6: Forget breakfast. Drink anxiety instead.
Cold coffee and cortisol. Neat.
Step 7: Try to salvage it.
Light a candle.
Play a calming playlist.
Say an affirmation.
Burn your tongue on hot tea. Spill it on the affirmation.
Consider retiring from personal growth entirely.
Now, it’s only 8:47 am.
Congratulations.
You’ve turned a perfectly ordinary morning into a low-budget emotional thriller.
You may now proceed with your day: Fragile. Buzzing. Late.
But here’s the inconvenient truth of adulthood: you can spiral and still make toast.
So:
Put on real pants.
Eat something that didn’t come out of a packet.
Water a plant. Water yourself.
Text someone who makes you feel like a person and not a productivity app.
Cross one thing off the list. Then accidentally throw the list in the laundry.
Open a window. Let some of the noise out. Let some of the air in.
Yes, the morning’s a flaming heap. But noon doesn’t know that yet.
You could still win this one. Stranger things have happened.
Now go. Show the day who’s mildly in charge.
Until - "Fragile. Buzzing. Late." - this hit too close to home!