Family WhatsApp Group: The Sitcom No One Asked For
Starring: Passive-Aggressive Uncle, Screenshot Aunty, and You.
It always begins with noble intentions.
A cousin’s wedding. A Diwali plan. Someone’s kidney stones.
“Just for coordination.”
“Will delete after the function.”
“Quick updates only.”
Lies. All of them.
What begins as a temporary alliance soon mutates into a permanent institution, one with unwritten laws, rotating hierarchies, and zero escape.
And you? You’re a citizen of this chaotic digital oligarchy.
I left the group. And lived to tell the tale.
Scroll at your own risk.
The Ruling Cabinet (Characters you’ll meet):
1. The Forward Minister
No quote left unforwarded. No image left uncompressed. Runs a tight ship: 4 am – 11 pm, like a BPO with poor Wi-Fi and poorer ethics. Sends every message with the urgency of a bomb threat, and the accuracy of a broken compass.
You will receive:
1 fake news alert
3 “Good Morning” roses
1 video about turmeric solving world hunger
Something in Sanskrit no one understands
Every. Single. Day.
They don’t sleep. They circulate.
2. The Good Morning Syndicate
A multi-generational cartel.
Each member has a signature style:
Uncle: Rainbows and “Have a Blessed Day!” with fonts last seen on Windows 95.
Aunty: Sunshine images and “Stay Positive 😊” holding the family’s mental health together.
Cousin: Unironically sending Minion memes in 2025.
They operate on the belief that Good Morning is the glue holding the bloodline together.
Reply once and you’re marked “active” forever. There’s no parole.
3. The Enlightened Uncle
Wears a smartwatch. Sends conspiracy reels.
Starts every argument with “Actually…” and ends it with “Just my opinion.”
Fears Western culture, soy milk, and women who wear jeans on Thursdays.
Posts ancient scriptures and deeply personal Facebook statuses to the group. WhatsApp is his personal diary.
His holy trinity:
🚩 Tradition
🇮🇳 Nationalism
💊 Distrust of modern medicine
4. The Moderator Aunty
Silent enforcer. Queen of covert control.
She changes the group icon without warning. Deletes messages that cause unrest. Says “Let’s not fight here, beta,” then video-calls you on speaker to do exactly that in HD.
Also adds new members like:
Uncle’s friend’s cousin
A “close family friend”
And once, accidentally, a Swiggy delivery boy
She’s not the admin WhatsApp deserves. She’s the admin it cannot remove.
5. The Ghost
Blue ticks, no words.
Hasn’t typed a message since 2017 but watches everything. At family functions, people are shocked they still exist.
Less person, more presence. At this point, they’re just haunting the group.
6. The One Who Left
Me. Hi.
Exited after the fifth diabetes miracle cure and Ramdev ji doing yoga in ways God never intended. In 240p.
Was last seen on the group 6 years ago. Now, a faint memory.
An icon. A rebel. Left Maasi’s DP compliment with 8 sunflower emojis on read. War crimes, basically. The audacity.
They still say my name sometimes. They try to re-add me. I fight it with grit. Because I’ve seen things.
Like the Navratri forwards.
No one really leaves quietly.
There will be screenshots. There might be a side group created just to discuss your exit.
75% of the messages are wishes for festivals you didn’t know existed: “Happy Left-Handed Guru Purnima everyone! 🙏🏼✨🍃”
It’s not a group chat. It’s a performance stage. A katha. A courtroom. A self-congratulatory echo chamber.
Family WhatsApp groups aren’t designed for communication. They’re designed to remind you of:
How bad you are at replying
How single you still are
How childless you still are
And how irrelevant your opinions have become since 2014
They’re not for the weak. They’re not for the woke. They’re for the brave.
If you’re still in one – may the mute button be with you. ✌🏽